mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
