Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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