plz talk dirty to me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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