moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
