I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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