im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
