no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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