you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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