he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
