I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize