His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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