I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
