My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
