I can't breathe out the right side of my face
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
