the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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