Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
