My nipple is on Facebook.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
