I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
