So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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