Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
