Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
