I love black thongs
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
