Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
