Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
