Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
