I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
