It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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