Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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