So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
