I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize