I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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