You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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