First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
do nipples grow back?
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