her facebook's as public as her vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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