I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
