i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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