Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
