why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this will be a night to untag.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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