so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm really busy with my period
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