scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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