Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
