I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
