I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
