Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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