third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
