Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
foreskin is a definite game changer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
