you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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