Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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