You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
