That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
