Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
