I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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