There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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