i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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