You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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