I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
