Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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