My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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