Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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