So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
