Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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