8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
