I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
