Small penises have feelings too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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