You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
