I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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