Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
