Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
