her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
True strength comes from lack of pants
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