I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
