Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
