Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
