Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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