If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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