Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
