Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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