I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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