Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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